Verità Circa Gli Uomini

The rumor of perfect, tall, dark, and handsome men in Italy is just that. A rumor. A myth. A dirty trick. A lie.

Here is the truth:

1. You will never meet a man in Italy, because you will pass out from the body odor before he can even say his name.
2. If you make it past the introduction, you will probably fall off of his scooter before arriving at the restaurant at which you are supposed to eat dinner.
3. Skinny men in skinny jeans are just wrong.
4. They have no idea what attractive hair looks like.
1. Mullets are not attractive. Never have been, never will be.
2. Rat tails are even worse than mullets.
3. What is worse than the two styles above is the slicked-over bangs look with the back teased out like a peacock.
5. They know nothing about approaching women. For example:
1. "Ciao Ciao" is not a successful pickup line, especially when hollered out a window, from scaffolding, from a garbage truck, etc.
2. "Ciao Ciao" accompanied with kissing noises is no more attractive than the phrase by itself.
   
6. They missed the memo that women are not dogs, and should not be whistled at as such.
7. They all have dandruff. There is not enough Head and Shoulders in the world for this country.
8. They refuse to accept that purses are for women.
   

This rant was inspired by me simply trying to walk down the street to the open-air market.